Adam went in this week for his two shots in the ass of thyroid meds and his radioactive pill… Not a good week. The pill will kill any (GOD forbid) remaining cancer cells in Adam’s body, and the thyroid meds were a must since he can’t take his normal meds with this radioactive pill… and of course it’s just another great excuse for Adam to show off the milky white gravitas known to the Ewoks as the GREAT MOONS OF ENDORE!

If you remember from a few posts ago “A shot in the dark side of your moon“, the shots of thyroid meds were on Wednesday and Thursday, both shots were in the ass… BUTT they were free! The price was $800 a butt shot, total of $1600 of ass shots. They also gave Adam meds for the sick feeling that goes along with taking a radioactive pill. Adam talked to the doctor and found a way to get the shots for free BUTT the radioactive pill was $1000.00!!!! HOLY CRAP FROM ADAM’S ENDORE!

Adam will be radioactive for a whole week and can’t visit his family until next Friday… It’s going to be a long week for Adam.

Now that Adam has gotten his braces off he is so excited to get his front tooth fixed and show off his “Hollywood Smile“!

Adam had his front tooth kicked out when he was a just a little boy(I’m sure he deserved it), the dentist saved the tooth somehow but the tooth turned black after a few years; Adam hasn’t smiled in a photo since he was eight so he is very excited to smile again .

STEP 1:
The dentist had to shave Adam’s tooth down to a stump in order to have something for the veneer to hold on to. This was VERY unpleasant for Adam but he went through with it, 25 minutes of painful drilling and he was done… At least he’d never have to go through that drilling ever again! The dentist took a mold of the shaved down tooth, put a temporary tooth in place and sent Adam on his way; It will take three weeks for his dentist to get the permanent veneer.

STEP 2:
Three weeks had passed and Adam’s permanent veneer was ready. The dentist took off the temporary tooth and placed on Adam’s veneer… “Oh No!” said the dentist. It turned out that Adam’s shaved down stump was way too dark and you could clearly see it under the veneer… It was like trying to hide a Fabergé egg in a butterfly’s corn hole. Adam had to have the tooth shaved down even more! So they shaved down Adam’s tooth again, 25 minutes of pain and then they took another mold of Adam’s tooth, put on another temporary and sent him on his way; It would be another three weeks until the new veneer was ready… WTF!!!

STEP 3:
Another three weeks went by and Adam was ready to get his new veneer on at last! The dentist reached for his pliers and pulled out Adam’s temporary tooth, “Oh No!” said the dentist!!!!!! The dentist cracked Adam’s shaved down stump of a tooth that was going to hold in his veneer! Adam was farmen pissed!!!! The dentist told Adam that now they will need to pull out the stump and put in a post to hold the veneer. So Adam had the dentist put in the post…Two hours of fun pain!!!! WTF!!!

STEP 4:
Adam needs to wait a month for the dentist to get a veneer to fit the new post. Adam has a temporary tooth in again, maybe next time it will work out… I don’t know what the frank could go wrong next, but I’m sure something will!

Poor Adam….

So Adam’s son Jerome has had an ear infection for six months now. Adam has taken Jerome to many doctors that have many different drugs to test on Jerome… like he was their personal little human guinea pig.

Poor Jerome has been taking antibiotics for such a long time that his little digestive system has gone nuts and he’s been pooping squirrels for two weeks.

Adam had enough and took Jerome off the drugs! Adam began searching like crazy for any kind of cure he could find…

1. They tried voodoo ice cream chicken hearts.
2. Amish Asian fusion mashed potatoes and sushi.
3. Chuck Norris tears(They’re hard to get).

Nothing seemed to work… Until Adam saw an old episode of “The A-Team” last week where believe it or not Mr.T had an ear infection… Hannibal cured with it garlic oil! Adam looked it up and it proved true online so they tried it… and it WORKED! Jerome is cured. A few drops of garlic oil in the ears every night for a week and all is now well!
So it’s official, Garlic oil cures ear infections and the A-Team is still saving the day!

So it’s almost two years ago when Adam started wearing braces, and now they’re coming off just in time for Thanks Giving! Adam went to the orthodontist yesterday and had his braces removed, thank goodness some good news for once; Adam was so happy about getting his braces removed that he got a rainbow Care Bear retainer from his orthodontist to celebrate, this made Adam very very happy.

The first thing Adam did was buy a pornographic amount of Skittles and deep throat the whole bag, a dream that took two years to fulfill and 10 minutes to clean an extra small amount of vomit from a sugar overload.

Well now Adam can enjoy his Thanks Giving with a big mouth full of Turkey and only 2 minutes of brush time as it used to take Adam 10 minutes to clean his teeth between every meal. Adam can now enjoy the feeling of hot cooked flesh up against the naked skin of his teeth… Damn that’s hot!

Big up’s to you Adam, and Happy Thanks Giving to you and your family!

You can almost hear the sounds of coins falling out of Adam’s heart as he try’s to keep it all together, but this sound is hard to hear with an ear infection.

Adam’s son Jerome has a bad ear infection that is keeping him up all day and through the night, not good for a four year old. Adam’s wife brought Jerome to the doctor; they waited 45 minutes in the doctor’s office before the doctor even came into the room. The doctor finally came in and looked in Jerome’s ear and then walked out without saying anything… This angered Adam’s wife greatly. The nurse came in quickly and handed Adam’s wife a prescription to be filled and they were on their way.

Adam’s family was quite surprised when they went to pick up the prescription from the drug store and the price was $300!!!! Adam thought there must be a great mistake and called the doctor’s office. Adam explained to his doctor’s nurse that this couldn’t be right for a child’s ear infection. The nurse said that they would look into it and call Adam right back, so when the nurse didn’t call back after one day had past Adam turned green… ripped off his shirt, and punched a whole through their wall!!! Adam went down to ask what was going on, his son is in pain… Well they explained how they just forgotten about Adam and they already called the drug store yesterday and there is a new prescription waiting there for him. Adam was so mad and beat down at this point that he just turned around and went to the drug store.

Adam was going to pick up the prescription with the relief that everything was fixed… WAS! The drug store told Adam that the doctor prescribed a new drug that was $100 MORE!!! WTF!!! $400!!!!!! AHHHHH.

So at point Adam thought to himself about how the doctor must be at his office, the doctor must be very thirsty with an empty glass of reason and respect for mankind; Adam immediately drove down to the doctors office, turned red, grew five times his size and busted through the office wall and said “OH YEAH”! Adam poured the doctor a full glass of F%%$ YOU and left.

Adam told his story to a good friend who’s father is a doctor, Adam’s friend’s father hooked him up with a normal priced prescription that wasn’t anywhere near the price that the Satan doctor wanted to charge him. It took three days but finally Adam got a break, and Jerome had his medicine.

Poor Adam…

So Adam had his cancer removed from his throat a while ago now and he still needs to go through all the post-op steps. Adam needs to get a special shot in the ass that costs $1600 and he needs two injections spaced three months apart, this will equal to $2200…

Adam also needs a special radioactive pill that costs $1000, the pill will make Adam dangerous to be around for 48 hours so he needs to stay at a hotel for two days which will cost him another $200; after two days of the radioactive pill taking its course, Adam will need to take a radiation test that costs another $1000.

So $4400 later Adam will be free from worry with cancer but he will be dead from stress, it’s a catch 22 + $4378! Adam is so stressed that he still smokes his pipe, you’d think, “OMG, put that pipe down you just had throat cancer!”, but at this point it’s a do what you have to to get by…

Please GOD help Adam!!!

Remember the old saying about BB guns when you were a kid — “You’ll shoot your eye out”, well they forgot to mention the saying for swords — “You’ll STAB your eye out”!

Jerome’s little buddy STABBED him in the eye last night when they were playing “knights” in the backyard with their toy wooden swords.

Adam heard the screaming from in the house and ran outside in 1 second flat. Jerome’s eye was as bloody as a New Jersey public school restroom! Adam picked Jerome up with his left hand and pulled the earth towards him with his right until the hospital was in front of them!

The doctor wasn’t sure of how bad the damage was so Adam and Jerome had to stay in the hospital overnight and have the doctor look at it again in the morning to see if Jerome’s eye would get better or worse.

“Thank Obama”!!! for the next day Jerome’s eye was much better and the doctor let them go home with a prescription of eye drops and bed rest.

Another fun visit to the hospital for Adam and his family!

Well it was the day of Adam’s surgery, he went in at 7am and came out around 10am. The surgery was a success and everything went right as rain, the kind of rain that could drown a full grown man in a flat field in less than 5 minutes.

Adam’s best friend J.R. drove Adam home from the hospital; J.R. traveled across country from Texas to help out Adam’s family on the week of his surgery. When J.R. and Adam got back to the house they saw that the cable company just started installing fiber cable all through the neighborhood. The installation was really loud and vibrated the whole house, just what Adam needs on the day of his surgery… Adam needs to sleep and now he has to listen to this crap! The noise was like a piping hot cup of coffee that you don’t drink but rather you slowly funnel into your ears until you don’t wake up.

J.R. parked his car out front so he could help Adam into his house. J.R. got Adam into the house than went to move his car, J.R. came outside 5 minutes later to witness the cable company drive into the side of his car! J.R. and the cable company truck driver started screaming at each other until the police arrived. The police sided with the cable company and told J.R. that he shouldn’t have parked in the street while the cable company was working. So not only did the cable company get to hit the car, they also got to make noise all day and keep Adam company while he tried to get sleep after his surgery.

Wonderful…!

Ever have “one of those weeks” where everything goes wrong because GOD hates you for some reason (like when you were 8 and you made your mom cry because you lit her wedding dress on fire) and with no explanation even though you just read a good one that might validate GOD’s point here?

Adam had that melancholy look about him when he crawled into work on Monday. I asked Adam if he had a bad weekend… Big smelly understatement!

1. AC:
Adam’s main air conditioner unit broke Friday night and it’s 95 degrees outside right now. Running around after two little kids in a red hot lava lamp house isn’t fun, I’m sure it never gets old hearing “Daddy I’m hot” when you can’t afford to just go out and buy a new $500 air conditioner… Well at least his heart won’t freeze but just slowly melt away in the pain

2. CAR:
Adam’s car broke; the brakes went out, the driver’s side tail light went dead, the starter failed, and the engine sounds like a frog is getting violated by a grizzly bear wearing a hard hat! Adam’s wife needs the car to get the boy to school and to just simply get around town… Adam will need to find some other way for the world to run over his soul this week

3. TEETH:
Adam’s dentist (dominatrix) put some weird medieval wire in his braces that pulls his teeth to the back of his jaw to fix his overbite. Adam’s dentist (S and M Master of the Mouth) told him the pain will decrease in a week… Or so…

4. SURGERY:
Adam had to get surgery on his big toe to get some weird corn thing out; Adam was so nervous about getting surgery that he didn’t poop any corn for a week. The corn in Adam’s toe was some growth that was starting to impede his walking. The surgery was very painful and the cost was even more painful.
Adam was recovering from his surgery when the doctor called and said they found cancer in the growth so Adam will need to go back in and take more tests on his foot… Wonderful!

All in one weekend! … WHY
Poor Adam.

It’s just another wonderful day in the life of Adam Saw. The sun is out, the birds are singing, and the roaches are in your mouth!

Adam woke up today to the sounds of baby screams, bad weather, and a low battery alarm clock that will make him very late to work. Adam gathered his strength – got out of bed, and went to the restroom to put the rubber bands in his braces, brush his teeth, and smell up the house just a little.

Adam started putting the rubber bands in his teeth when he felt an odd sensation of something walking in his mouth, his first and correct reaction was to spit… spit out a ROACH!

Yeah a big ass roach was living in Adam’s bag of rubber bands for his braces… The dentist never told Adam of the risk of extra protein that goes with straight teeth!

Poor Adam!