Every old house has it’s own charm and personality, that little something that makes a house a home… Like when you smell a fresh baked apple pie cooling in the window sill or a 25lb dead raccoon under your house?

Adam had an unsettling experience when he woke up the other day to a funny-angry sort of smell coming from the living room. He arose in a slight panic thinking that one of the kids might of blessed the house with a brown benevolent booty bomb in the shape of Benjamin Franklin’s kite the second after it was struck by lightning. Adam creeped into the living room only to have the smell grow stronger, but the fear of the children “leaving out their toy’s” burn out like a match after one using the toilet between commercials. The origin of the smell was now a mystery for there was no sight of anything that would cause such a smell… where was it coming from?

Adam took an involuntary deep breath… A sinking feeling fell throughout Adam’s whole soul like he had just seen Patrick Swayze through Demi Moore’s eyes and it was the year 1990, he knew that this had happened before… It was a case of Déjà -POO!!!

The ghostly poo sent that was haunting Adam’s house was WALKING THROUGH THE WALLS AND FLOOR! There was SOMETHING DEAD UNDER THE HOUSE! Adam went outside and took a look under the house… there it was… THE SMELL! Adam remembered that two years ago to this very day a possum had died under the house and it made the very same smell. Adam knew what he had to do!

Adam collected some trash bags, a flashlight and his weegie board and began to crawl under the house. There was many battles he had to overcome but within 30 minutes of that hot Florida morning he was the victor. Adam found a 25lb non-italian dead raccoon under the house, he packed it up and disposed of it quickly and in time for Wast Management to pick it up that day.

After washing out his eye’s with tomato juice and lavender Adam sat down in his living room and relaxed there for the remainder of the day. Adam is the king of his living room once again!

Long live Adam, SO SAY WE ALL!

Adam went in this week for his two shots in the ass of thyroid meds and his radioactive pill… Not a good week. The pill will kill any (GOD forbid) remaining cancer cells in Adam’s body, and the thyroid meds were a must since he can’t take his normal meds with this radioactive pill… and of course it’s just another great excuse for Adam to show off the milky white gravitas known to the Ewoks as the GREAT MOONS OF ENDORE!

If you remember from a few posts ago “A shot in the dark side of your moon“, the shots of thyroid meds were on Wednesday and Thursday, both shots were in the ass… BUTT they were free! The price was $800 a butt shot, total of $1600 of ass shots. They also gave Adam meds for the sick feeling that goes along with taking a radioactive pill. Adam talked to the doctor and found a way to get the shots for free BUTT the radioactive pill was $1000.00!!!! HOLY CRAP FROM ADAM’S ENDORE!

Adam will be radioactive for a whole week and can’t visit his family until next Friday… It’s going to be a long week for Adam.

Well it was the day of Adam’s surgery, he went in at 7am and came out around 10am. The surgery was a success and everything went right as rain, the kind of rain that could drown a full grown man in a flat field in less than 5 minutes.

Adam’s best friend J.R. drove Adam home from the hospital; J.R. traveled across country from Texas to help out Adam’s family on the week of his surgery. When J.R. and Adam got back to the house they saw that the cable company just started installing fiber cable all through the neighborhood. The installation was really loud and vibrated the whole house, just what Adam needs on the day of his surgery… Adam needs to sleep and now he has to listen to this crap! The noise was like a piping hot cup of coffee that you don’t drink but rather you slowly funnel into your ears until you don’t wake up.

J.R. parked his car out front so he could help Adam into his house. J.R. got Adam into the house than went to move his car, J.R. came outside 5 minutes later to witness the cable company drive into the side of his car! J.R. and the cable company truck driver started screaming at each other until the police arrived. The police sided with the cable company and told J.R. that he shouldn’t have parked in the street while the cable company was working. So not only did the cable company get to hit the car, they also got to make noise all day and keep Adam company while he tried to get sleep after his surgery.

Wonderful…!

Today Adam’s computer at home died from old age and smell. Adam was very sad since he had this machine for over ten years and computers cost $money!

Adam had a lot of parts from other computer that he could use to fix his broken machine so he went to work right away. It took Adam about 2 hours to get everything fixed but Adam didn’t notice the storm rolling in from the east … Only 10 min after Adam fixed his computer there was a wonderful power surge that murdered the hard drive!

Adam’s computer died, there was a nice service to remember it… Lots if crying and Adam screaming in binary code!

Adam discovered an old tree in his yard this weekend that started dropping branches like crazy. Adam told his wife about the tree and she demanded he cut the branches down before they kill someone.

Adam got out the ladder, already had the saw… Climbed up and started cutting. Adam had to start cutting at the top of the tree to circle around from where the birds are nesting to not disturb them.

Adam started sawing the branches off with success but then five minutes into it the birds got pissed! The birds started attacking Adam while he was in the tree. Adam tried to swat the birds away and lost his grip and forgot how to fly.

Adam fell about 14 feet not on his feet.
Once Adam fell on his ass the birds didn’t stop there, the birds attacked Adam and forced him back into his house. Adam decided after the bird attack that was that and the tree was trimmed enough.

When Adam awoke the next day he found the rest of the branches fell down in the middle of the night, not even where he was cutting. The tree was going to drop its branches that day anyway.

Poor Adam!

Poor Adam,
His broken electric box has prevented him from using his new drier for days, the drier didn’t match the wattage of the house so he’s been getting estimates to fix the electric box.

Well it’s about damn time! Adam recieved an estimate today to fix his eletric box… $400! All the other businesses wanted to charge him way over $2000, some said $5000! Adam did the electric boogaloo dance when he heard the good news.

Let’s see in the coming days if this works out. Hopefully this won’t effect something else in the house, come to find out the freezer gets all freaked out and turns into a microwave and murders his mint chocolate chip ice cream in a fit of blind rage.

Have you ever found $20 on the ground, took a look around and swiped it up into your claws and made a wallet deposit? Lots of people find money here and there in their life, BUT have you every found $10,000 in your bank account!!!!

Holy mother of mayonnaise – Adam looked at his account today to find that someone put 10 big meow meows in there! YES… Finally this guy gets a break, it must be a relative or a refund from an insurance policy or something. Now with 10k Adam can get a new car or have a Vacation or better yet pay some bills!

So, in true Adam fashion since he is a man of honor… He called the bank to make sure this wasn’t a mix up and this money wasn’t someone else’s. Well do you really need to read on? The bank made a big mistake and the money went to the wrong Adam… Some guy with the last name of Loggs really owned the money and the bank messed up.

So did Adam’s bank say sorry or thank you for helping them fix this, NO! They just tried to get him off the phone as fast as they could!

So there is another day in the life of Adam.

10 more weeks of braces. Adam can get his braces off real soon, he is very happy to feel his teeth again for the first time in a year. What would be the first food Adam eats when they come off… Skittles! Adam loves rainbows and Skittles are the food of the Gods.

Adam had braces put on like a year ago or more, he didn’t like smiling in pictures… I feel that since I’m in the same boat; I never liked the look of my own teeth and I had to beg my grandmother to take me to a dentist when I was 11, so I’ll be happy with my gold tooth I’m getting in the mail next week.

It must be hard to have everything in life going on and then add braces on to that. I can’t imagine having to really brush after every meal. Bling Bling!

So it’s going to cost Adam $1200 to fix his electric box on his house. The box could have burned down his home it’s gotten so hot, the new dryer wasn’t the same wattage that the house had!!! Something breaks, you fix… Or you get a new one. So Adam got a new dryer that his house just couldn’t handle.

Adam purchased a house that was built in 1906, it’s a beautiful home and things need updating now and then to keep up with the times.

Why is it so hard sometimes, why can’t things just work.

Home sweet home again for Adam Saw, his new electric box will cost him over $1000, this guy never gets a break… I’m always troubled by the trouble that is in his life.

Electric will shock you if it’s over $1000, I can’t imagine. Can’t we just staple 100 AAs’ to the house?, I think that might be cheaper and in fact a lot funnier too… So there you go.

Please God or whatever you are saw this guy a break!?