Ever have “one of those weeks” where everything goes wrong because GOD hates you for some reason (like when you were 8 and you made your mom cry because you lit her wedding dress on fire) and with no explanation even though you just read a good one that might validate GOD’s point here?

Adam had that melancholy look about him when he crawled into work on Monday. I asked Adam if he had a bad weekend… Big smelly understatement!

1. AC:
Adam’s main air conditioner unit broke Friday night and it’s 95 degrees outside right now. Running around after two little kids in a red hot lava lamp house isn’t fun, I’m sure it never gets old hearing “Daddy I’m hot” when you can’t afford to just go out and buy a new $500 air conditioner… Well at least his heart won’t freeze but just slowly melt away in the pain

2. CAR:
Adam’s car broke; the brakes went out, the driver’s side tail light went dead, the starter failed, and the engine sounds like a frog is getting violated by a grizzly bear wearing a hard hat! Adam’s wife needs the car to get the boy to school and to just simply get around town… Adam will need to find some other way for the world to run over his soul this week

3. TEETH:
Adam’s dentist (dominatrix) put some weird medieval wire in his braces that pulls his teeth to the back of his jaw to fix his overbite. Adam’s dentist (S and M Master of the Mouth) told him the pain will decrease in a week… Or so…

4. SURGERY:
Adam had to get surgery on his big toe to get some weird corn thing out; Adam was so nervous about getting surgery that he didn’t poop any corn for a week. The corn in Adam’s toe was some growth that was starting to impede his walking. The surgery was very painful and the cost was even more painful.
Adam was recovering from his surgery when the doctor called and said they found cancer in the growth so Adam will need to go back in and take more tests on his foot… Wonderful!

All in one weekend! … WHY
Poor Adam.

Remember the good old punk days? The leather, the liberty spikes, the OI! OI! oiled up bodies with 37 piercings just in one ear? What do you think a 4 year old would think of the good old punk days?

Adam told me about his weekend and a special trip to the music store that was just wonderful. Adam took his son Jerome to the music store to purchase a new set of guitar strings for his 81 Les Paul, this was Jerome’s first time to the music store so Adam was excited to bring him to his adult candy store.

Adam purchased his strings, then looked around a little and played some different axes. Adam noticed some people come over to hear him play, one person was a young punk rock girl with rainbow liberty spikes, multiple face piercings, a leather bikini top, a leather spray painted jacket, and green lipstick. Adam nervously thought to himself how Jerome has never seen a punk rock person before… what crazy thing will this 4 year old say?

Well of course Jerome noticed the punk rock girl right away, he looked at her like she was a fire breathing 50 foot tall pickled sherbet polka-dotted dinosaur!
Adam watched Jerome as his 4 year old mind crafted just the right thing to say! Jerome passionately inhaled real deep, looked at Adam and yelled out “Daddy look at the Big Boobies!“. The whole store started laughing at Jerome and so did the punk rock girl. Adam was so embarrassed that he didn’t know what to do or what to say! Adam grabbed Jerome and said “We have to go now“.

Adam put Jerome in the car and they started driving home. Adam thought about what Jerome said and just couldn’t help but laugh.

Have you ever been driving home and about 5 minutes away from your house the police pull you over for a suspended licence?, me too… aLl tHe tImE!!!!
Poor Adam…

Adam received a speeding ticket 2 weeks ago for driving 65 MPH in a 35 MPH zone, that’s right IBS… AKA “The Taco Bell butter burrito supreme” with the extra serving of beans!… AKAA “The Poopies”. Adam was just trying to get home as fast as he could and then he seen the flashing blue lights. The police officer pulled Adam over and listened to his reasons for speeding but didn’t really believe Adam’s story even though it was so true you could smell it , the officer gave Adam a ticket for big money and said “Have a nice day”. Adam watched the police officer as he followed him home; Adam was so mad but all he wanted to do was empty out, clean up, and change his soiled vic secretes.

Well time went on and Adam put off dealing with the driving school segment of his ticket until 2 days before it was due; Adam found a online ticket school that had an extra service to electronically file his driving class papers for his ticket, Adam didn’t have to bring the proof of his online class downtown or mail it in!… Score 1 for Adam. Adam’s ticket was all paid and the points were taken off his license or so he thought.

A week went by and Adam forgotten all about his ticket until he noticed another set of flashing blue lights behind him, the police again! Adam was pulled over for having a tail light out, no big deal. The police officer went to his car and returned to tell Adam that his license was suspended! Apparently the online driving school didn’t send the proof of the class in and the city suspended his license. The officer made Adam call one of his buddies to drive Adam’s car home for him.

Adam complained to the online driving school and they denied not sending it in. Adam talked to the city, they said they never received it. Adam had to pay the city big $money to get his license back and he was stuck with the points on his license.

Adam should have known this would happen, three weeks prior to all this his son Jerome took a poop on the hood of his car in the backyard; Adam thought to himself then… “This might mean something“.

It’s the first day of school and Adam’s boy Jerome starts pre-school. A boy’s first day of school is a special time… a time of play, laughter, wetting one’s self and tears. Adam’s boy did great on his first day of school, the second day was a little harder. The second day Jerome was scared and just wanted to go home, I feel the same way on Tuesdays except I do actually wet myself!

Adam’s boy Jerome told his teacher that he wanted to go home and had a crying session on her shoulder, the teacher called Adam’s wife to pick up Jerome. When Adam’s wife brought Jerome home she noticed that he smelled like the teacher’s perfume, this made Adam’s wife joke that Jerome was cheating on her by crying on another womans shoulder! Too cute

Adam hopes Jerome starts to like school soon since it costs more than $600 a month! $600 a month is a lot to most people and it is to Adam, too, but Adam loves his boy and will find the money somewhere… He is a great dad.
Public school isn’t the best start for a kid and Adam wants the best for his boy. Will Adam find a way to pay for the school before next months bill?, well the odds are good but the goods are odd.

So Adam had a collection agency leave him a message today, the message said “Call this number 555-555-5555, you owe money”…click! Adam had no idea what this was about, at first he thought it was a joke…(Example: “Knock knock” who’s there “You” You who? “F$&@ You!”) Adam called the number and the collection agency told him that the doctors office he’s been going to for his kid put him in collection. Adam was POed! Adam called the doctors office to complain.

The doctors office gave Adam an estimate for way way less then the bill they sent him. Adam asked the doctors office to give him a reason why there was such a big difference between his bill and the estimate and they still couldn’t give him a answer. Adam explained that he wanted to pay his bill, but he needs a reason for the extra hundreds of dollars… Adam isn’t made out of money (Quick Fact: Adam is made up of blood, water, truth, rage, and mint chocolate chip ice cream).
Adam asked if he could pay his bill in mint chocolate chip ice cream (Quick Fact: Just kidding).

Adam is now waiting on his doctors office to call him back for a solution.
Adam made this call already a few times with no success so hope is in the low but the light always seems to shine in our darkest hours, like a lit match on the ocean floor… Meh

Well they did call Adam an hour later and the doctors office fixed the billing issuse, the man on the phone made it out like it was a simple fix! Why was this so hard for them to figure out, poor Adam… At least this one has a happy ending, Adam saved over $1200!
All is good today, everything is coming up Adam.

Poor Adam,
His broken electric box has prevented him from using his new drier for days, the drier didn’t match the wattage of the house so he’s been getting estimates to fix the electric box.

Well it’s about damn time! Adam recieved an estimate today to fix his eletric box… $400! All the other businesses wanted to charge him way over $2000, some said $5000! Adam did the electric boogaloo dance when he heard the good news.

Let’s see in the coming days if this works out. Hopefully this won’t effect something else in the house, come to find out the freezer gets all freaked out and turns into a microwave and murders his mint chocolate chip ice cream in a fit of blind rage.

Have you ever found $20 on the ground, took a look around and swiped it up into your claws and made a wallet deposit? Lots of people find money here and there in their life, BUT have you every found $10,000 in your bank account!!!!

Holy mother of mayonnaise – Adam looked at his account today to find that someone put 10 big meow meows in there! YES… Finally this guy gets a break, it must be a relative or a refund from an insurance policy or something. Now with 10k Adam can get a new car or have a Vacation or better yet pay some bills!

So, in true Adam fashion since he is a man of honor… He called the bank to make sure this wasn’t a mix up and this money wasn’t someone else’s. Well do you really need to read on? The bank made a big mistake and the money went to the wrong Adam… Some guy with the last name of Loggs really owned the money and the bank messed up.

So did Adam’s bank say sorry or thank you for helping them fix this, NO! They just tried to get him off the phone as fast as they could!

So there is another day in the life of Adam.

Credit cards are a bitch, putting life on his cards or playing his hand… Adam put thousands on his bill this month, his wallet is very angry with him and refuses to comment… Debt is one thing but wow! I hope everything works out. Why do things like this happen to good people?

It’s always when you think you’re in the clear and then boom, another big bill for something… Money is a scary monster that lerks behind every dark hallway.